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Birthdays,
Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
again! |
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If you ask a
question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. |
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Sometimes, we're
not thinking about you. Live with it. |
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Don't ask us what
we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks. |
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Sunday equals
SPORTS. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. |
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Shopping isn't a
sport, & no, we're never going to think of it that way. |
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When we have to go
somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really! |
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You have enough
clothes. You have too many shoes. |
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Crying is
blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: subtle hints
don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! |
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We don't know what
day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar. |
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Peeing standing up
is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. |
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Most guys own
three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of
thirty, would look good with your dress? |
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Yes & No are
perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. |
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Come to us with a
problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. |
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Sympathy is what
your girlfriends are for. |
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A headache that
lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. |
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Foreign films are
best left to foreigners. |
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Check your oil. |
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It is neither in
your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No,it doesn't matter which
quiz. |
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Anything we said 6
months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7
days. |
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If something we
said can be interpreted two ways, and one makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. |
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Let us ogle. We're
going to look anyway; it's genetic. |
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You can either
tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both. |
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Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials. |
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All men see in
only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. |
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If it itches, it
will be scratched. |
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Beer is as
exciting for us as handbags are for you. |
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If we ask what's
wrong and you say "nothing, " we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're
lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. |
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What the
hell is a doily?
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