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I have enough
money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. --
Jackie Mason |
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I get paid weekly. Very
Weekly! -- Anonymous |
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I have
everything I had 20 years ago, only it's all a little bit lower. --
Gypsy Rose Lee |
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Underneath
this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character. -- Oscar Levant |
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Every time I
close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -- Jennifer
Unlimited |
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Wrinkles
should merely indicate where smiles have been. -- Mark Twain |
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Start every
day off with a smile and get it over with. -- W. C. Fields
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I have
everything I had twenty years ago - except that it is now all lower.
-- Gypsy Rose Lee |
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The longer I
live, the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that
all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only
wasted my time. -- George Bernard Shaw |
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Youth had been
a habit of hers for so long that she could not part with it. --
Rudyard Kipling |
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Experience is
that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you
make it again. --F. P. Jones |
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Never invest
your money in anything that eats or needs painting. --Billy Rose
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I can resist
everything except temptation. -- Oscar Wilde |
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A rich man's
joke is always funny. -- Proverb |
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I am not young
enough to know everything. -- James M. Barrie |
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I am an old
man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never
happened. -- Mark Twain |
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My advice to
you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if
not, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates |
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Advice is what
we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. --
Erica Jong |
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The trouble
with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. --
Franklin P. Jones |
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Beautiful
young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of
art. -- Unknown |
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"Time is a
fixed income and, as with any income, the real problem facing most of
us is how to live successfully within our daily allotment." --
Margaret B. Johnstone |
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I try to take
one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
Jennifer Unlimited |
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Marriage is a
great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. -- Mae
West |
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He who knows
that enough is enough will always have enough. -- Lao Tsu
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You will
recognize, my boy, the first sign of old age: it is when you go out
into the streets of London and realize for the first time how young
the policemen look. -- Sir Seymour Hicks |
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If you want to
be happy, be. -- Henry David Thorreau |
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Time draweth
wrinkles in a fair face, but addeth fresh colors to a fast friend. --
John Lyle |
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The lovely
thing about being forty is that you can appreciate
twenty-five-year-old men. -- Colleen McCullough |
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I don't date
women my age. There aren't any. -- Milton Berle |
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The remarkable
thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us nothing
but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." --
CalvinTrillin |
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If the right
side of the brain controls the left side of the body...then only
left-handed people are in their right minds. -- Anonymous |
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Whoever
undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and
knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods. -- Albert
Einstein |
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We should take
care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful
muscles, but no personality. -- Albert Einstein |
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I may be
left-handed, but I'm always Right! -- Anonymous |
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Housework
can't kill you, but why take a chance? -- Phyllis Diller
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A half truth, masquerading as a whole
truth, is a totally false truth. -- Anonymous |
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Of all the
things I've lost, I miss my mind the most . . . -- Anonymous |
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Old age is
like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start
young. -- Fred Astaire |
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Whatever with
the past has gone, the best is always yet to come. -- Lucy Larcom |
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There are so
many things about which some old man ought to tell one while one is
little; for when one is grown one would know them as a matter of
course. -- Rainer Maria Rilke |
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It is better
to wear out than to rust out. -- Bishop Richard Cumberland |
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It takes a
long time to grow young. -- Pablo Picasso |
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Few women
admit their age. Few men act theirs. -- Anonymous |
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The secret to
eternal youth is arrested development. -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth |
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There is no
cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. -- George
Santayana |
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When I was a
boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to
have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was
astonished a how much he had learned in seven years. -- Mark Twain |
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No one over
thirty-five is worth meeting who has not something to teach us,
something more than we could learn by ourselves, from a book. -- Cyril
Connolly |
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Time draweth
wrinkles in a fair face, but addeth fresh colors to a fast friend. --
John Lyle |
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Friendship is
the shadow of the evening, which strengthens with the setting sun of
life. -- Jean De La Fontaine |
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A friendship
counting nearly forty years is the finest kind of shade-tree I know.
-- James Russell Lowell |
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We are so fond
of one another, because our ailments are the same. -- Jonathan Swift |
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To see a young
couple loving each other is no wonder, but to see an old couple loving
each other is the best sight of all. -- William Makepeace Thackeray |
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At twenty-one,
so many things appear solid, permanent, untenable. -- Orson Welles |
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Old age is not
for sissies. -- Malcolm Forbes |
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Health food
may be good for the conscience, but Oreos taste a hell of a lot
better. -- Robert Redford |
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Don't take
life so seriously; it's not permanent. -- Unknown |
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They tell you
that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell
you is that you won't miss it very much. -- Malcolm Cowley |
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When I was
younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. --
Mark Twain |
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You must learn
from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to
make them all yourself. -- Sam Levenson |
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I prefer
Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require
so much cooking. -- Carrie Snow |
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The nice part
of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing,
someone else does. -- Unknown |
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If at first
you don't succeed, try again. then quit. No use being a damn fool
about it. -- w.c. Fields |
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One man's
sunset is another man's dawn. -- Fievel Mouskawitz |
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All I want is
less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it
done. -- Unknown |
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The trouble
with life is, by the time you can read a woman like a book, your
library card has expired. -- Unknown |
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The aging
process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through
congress. -- Unknown |
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As we grow
older year by year, my husband always mourns; the less and less we
feel our oats and the more we feel our corns. -- Unknown |
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Doctor to
patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are
not a hypochondriac. -- Unknown |
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Lord, if you
won't make me skinny, please make all my friends fat! |
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The scientific
theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely
of lost airline luggage. -- Mark Russell |
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It's had to be
nostalgic when you can't remember anything. --
Anonymous |
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In the book of
life, the answers aren't in the back. -- Charlie Brown |
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Things are
going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -- Lily Tomlin |
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There's too
much blood in my caffeine system. -- Unknown |
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Whenever I
feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. -- Unknown |
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God put me on
earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far
behind, I will live forever. -- Unknown |
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My problem
lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. -- Errol Flynn |
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It's been a
rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt, and a button fell
off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. Now I'm afraid
to go to the bathroom. -- Rodney Dangerfield |
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The early bird
gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. -- Unknown |
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It has been my
experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. --
Abraham Lincoln |
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The years
between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked
to do things and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. --
T. S. Eliot |
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Give me the
luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities. --
Frank Lloyd Wright |
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Don't confuse
me with the facts. I've got a closed mind. - Earl Landgrebe |
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When you come
to a fork in the road, take it. -- Yogi Berra |
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A conscience
is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. -- Unknown |
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Why do people
with closed minds always open their mouths? -- Unknown |
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When you turn
thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your
parents. -- Blair Sabol |
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If the odds
are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it
will. -- Unknown |
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Don't worry
about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in
Australia. -- Charles Schultz |
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I have a great
diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it
with naked fat people. -- Ed Bluestone |
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There is more
to life than increasing its speed. -- Mahatma Gandhi |
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The wind of
one door closing opens another. -- Unknown |
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Have you ever
noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
-- Unknown |
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If you want to
look young and thin, hang around old fat people. -- Jim Eason |
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I thought I
had mono once for an entire year. Turned out I was just really bored.
-- Wayne's World |
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Thirty-five is
when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling
apart. -- Caryn Leschen |
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Anyone can be
passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. - Rose Franken |
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The second day
of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're
off it. -- Jackie Gleason |
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I'm on a
seefood diet. I see food and I eat it. -- Unknown |
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If you must
choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. --
Mae West |
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As for me,
except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
-- Unknown |
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Always look
out for #1 and be careful not to step in #2. -- Unknown |
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Integrity is
one of several paths; it distinguishes itself from the others because
it is the right path and the only one upon which you will never get
lost. -- Unknown |
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The truth is
the same from any angle. -- Unknown |
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The stories
that you tell about your past shape your future. -- Eric Ransdell |
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What is the
use of lying when the truth, well distributed, serves the same
purpose. -- Unknown |
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Enough white
lies lead up to manipulation. -- Unknown |
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Deceit feeding
on ignorance weaves carelessly around the truth, twisting its prey
down a path to destined regret. -- Unknown |
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Men stumble
over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and
hurry off as if nothing happened. -- Winston Churchill |
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But the beauty
is in the walking -- we are betrayed by destinations. -- Gwynn Thomas
(Welsh Writer) |
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Time is
everyone's enemy. -- Unknown |
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If stupidity
got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? -- Will Rogers |
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You've got to
sing like you don't need the money |
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love like
you've never been hurt |
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dance, dance
dance, like nobody's watching |
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it's got to
come from the heart, if you want it to work. -- Susannah Clark |
