You know you're getting old when...... Trivia, nostalgia, memory lane & aging humor jokes.
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You Know You're Getting Old When...
"But First"Syndrome
Double Dog Dare

Back To The Time When
Older Than Dirt
Royal Crown Cola bottle
Stroll With Me

40th, 50th, 60th birthday t-shirts


 You Know You're Getting Old When...


Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your back goes out more than you do.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after when you haven't been anywhere the night before.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You start video taping daytime game shows.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they've been on your head all the time.
You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
Happy hour is a nap.
You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You got cable for the weather channel. Old Folks MTV!
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
You don't remember being absentminded.
You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
Your drugs of preference are now vitamins.
You tip more and carry less.
You read more and remember less.
You get propositioned by AARP.
Younger women start opening doors for you.
You begin to become invisible in the dating and mating game.
The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.
You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.
You are no longer 'promising'.
Younger men ask you for advice.
You work on your short game.
Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
Youthful indiscretions harden into bad habits.
You shop for health insurance the way you once shopped for a new car.
Your medical expenses go up 50%.
A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.
You learn where your prostrate is.
You develop a knack for wearing hats.

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 "But First" Syndrome

I have recently been diagnosed with the "But First syndrome".  You know, it's when I decide to do the laundry, I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table.  OK, I'm going to do the laundry.....

BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper .  Then, I notice the mail on the table.   OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack.....

BUT FIRST I'll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid.  Yes, now where's the checkbook?  Oop's..... there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table.  I'm going to look for that checkbook.....

BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink.  I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water.  I put the glass in the sink, and darn it, there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter.  What's it doing here?  I'll just put it away.....

BUT FIRST I need to water those plants..  Head for the door and..... Aaaagh!   Stepped on the cat.  Cat needs to be fed.  Okay, I'll put that remote away and water the plants.....

BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat..... End of day; Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are unpaid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control..... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I'm baffled because.....                                            

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 Double Dog Dare

I'm sharing this with you today because it ended with a "double dog dare" to pass it on. To remember what a "double dog dare" is, read on.  Remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.

How many do you remember?
Candy cigarettes
Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
Hoola hoop contests
Buying milk from a vending machine for a quarter, with your penny change taped to the side
Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
Home milk delivery in glass bottles, with cardboard stoppers
Party lines
Newsreels before the movie
P. F. Flyers
Butch wax
Telephone numbers with a word prefix .... (Drexel-5505
Howdy Doody
45 RPM Records
Green Stamps
Metal ice cube trays with levers
Mimeograph paper
Blue flash bulbs
Beanie and Cecil
Roller skate keys
Cork pop guns
Drive ins
Wash Tub wringers
The Fuller Brush man
Reel-to-reel tape recorders
The "twist", "mashed potatoes", and "funky-chicken"
The Erector Set
The Fort Apache Playset
Lincoln Logs
15 cent McDonald hamburgers & 10 cent fries
5 cent packs of baseball cards..... with that slab of pink bubblegum
penny candy
35 cent-a-gallon gasoline
When the first man walked on the moon
When Elvis Presley first appeared on the Ed Sullivan show
When the Beatles arrived
When the Barbie doll hit the scene 

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!  Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life....I double dog dare ya!!!     

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 I Want To Go Back To The Time When.....

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who rant he fastest
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly"
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends
Being old referred to anyone over 20
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn't matter
the worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"
It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb
It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot
Nobody was prettier than Mom
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park
A foot of snow was a dream come true
Abilities ere discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures
No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home
"oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team
War was a card game
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin
Ice cream was considered a basic food group
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors  

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 Older Than Dirt Quiz

Count all the ones that you remember- not the ones you were told about!

Ratings at the bottom
Blackjack chewing gum
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
Candy cigarettes
Soda pop machines that dispensed bottle
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
Party lines
Newsreels before the movie
P.F. Flyers
Butch wax
Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
Howdy Doody
45 RPM records
S&H Green Stamps
Metal ice trays with lever
Mimeograph paper
Blue flashbulb
Roller skate keys
Cork popguns
Wash tub wringers
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young

If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older

If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age

If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

Don't forget to pass this along!   Especially to all your really OLD friends.

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 We cleaned out grandma's house & found an old Royal Crown Cola bottle.

In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons.

Man, I'm getting old!

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 Stroll With Me....

Stroll with me.... close your eyes.... and go back...
before the Internet... before bombings, aids, herpes before semiautomatics and crack... before SEGA or Super Nintendo ... way back!  I'm talking about sitting on the curb, sitting on the stoop...about hide-and-go-seek; Simon Says and red-light-green-light. Lunch boxes with a thermos ... chocolate milk, going home for lunch, penny candy from the store, hopscotch, butterscotch, skates with keys, jacks and Cracker Jacks, hula hoops and sunflower seeds, wax lips and mustaches, Mary Jane's, saddle shoes and Coke bottles with the names of cities on the bottom.

Remember --

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids arrived home from school.
When nobody owned a purebred dog.
When a quarter was a decent allowance.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done everyday and wore high heels.
Running through the sprinkler, circle pins, bobby pins, Mickey Mouse Club, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Kookla, Fran & Ollie, Spin & Marty...Dick Clark's American Bandstand ... all in black and white and your Mom made you turn it off when a storm came.
When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
Climbing trees, making forts, backyard shows, lemonade stands, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, staring at clouds, jumping on the bed, pillow fights,ribbon candy, angel hair on the Christmas tree, Jackie Gleason, white gloves, walking to the movie theater, running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt...remember that?
Not stepping on a crack or you'd break your mother's back ... paper-chains at Christmas, silhouettes of Lincoln and Washington, the smells of school, of paste and Evening in Paris.
What about the girl who dotted her i's with hearts? (that was before that stupid smiley face)!
The Stroll, popcorn balls and sock hops?
Remember when there were just two types of sneakers for girls and boys - Keds and PF Flyers, and the only time you wore them at school was for gym. And the girls had those ugly gym uniforms.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking -- all for free -- every time! And, you didn't pay for air either, and you got trading stamps to boot!
When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
When the worst thing you could do at school was flunk a test or chew gum.And the prom was in the gym or the lunchroom and you danced to a real orchestra.
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed -- and did!
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home. Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!  But we survived because their love was so much greater than the threat.
Remember when a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car -- used to cruise, peel out, lay rubber, scratch off or watch the submarine races?
When people went steady; and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped Band-Aids, dental floss, or yarn coated with pastel-frost nail polish so it would fit their finger.
When no one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the car and house doors were never locked!
Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..." And playing baseball with no adults needed to enforce the rules of the game.
Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals, because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger.

And, with all our progress, don't you just wish, that just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace...and share it with the children of today?  So send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk... As well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, bowling, visits to the pool ... and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar from the palm of your hand. There, didn't that feel good? Just to lean back and say: "Yeah...I remember......."

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