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I live in my own little
world, but it's okay because they know me here.
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You're just jealous
because the voices only talk to me. |
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All I have
to do is win the lottery! |
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Official
member of the "Piss & Moan" club.
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Age is like
underwear, it creeps up on you! |
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I'm at that
awkward age between desirability and complete senility.
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Better to be
an old fart than a young shithead. |
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Age is
important only if you're cheese or wine. |
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Old age and
treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
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Seen it all,
done it all, can't remember most of it. |
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If God had
wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
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I get enough
exercise just pushing my luck. |
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Few women
admit their age. Few men act theirs. |
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Wrinkled was
not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up!
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Eat right,
exercise regularly, die anyway. |
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When I feel
athletic, I go to a sports bar. |
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The older I
get, the better I was. |
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Suffers from
Clue Deficit Disorder. |
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My karma ran
over your dogma. |
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I was built
for comfort, not speed. |
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Hard work
will pay off later. Laziness pays off now! |
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Does
vacuuming count as aerobic exercise? |
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Living right
doesn't really make you live longer, it just seems like longer!
|
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I'm on a
30-day diet. So far I've lost 15 days. |
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Of all my
husband's relatives, I like me best. |
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Mouth is in
gear, brain is in neutral. |
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I can please
only one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow isn't
looking good either. |
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I'd explain
it to you, but your brain would explode. |
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I used to
get lost in the shuffle; now I just shuffle along with the lost.
|
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I don't have
a solution, but I admire your problem. |
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If at first
you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Chaos, panic
& disorder.... my work here is done. |
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It's easier
to get older than it is to get wiser. |
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Don't take
life so seriously, it's not permanent. |
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I am
diagonally parked in a parallet universe. |
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A smile
confuses an approaching frown. |
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Don't worry
about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
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Our parents
were never our age. |
|
|
If a woman's
place is in the home, why am I always in this car?
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We are born
naked, wet & hungry, then things get worse.
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I am NOT in
denial. |
|
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A person who
walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints.
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According to
my best recollection, I don't remember. |
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VENI, VEDI,
VISA. I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
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Sometimes I
wake up grumpy -- other times I let her sleep.
|
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I paid too
much for it, but it's worth it. |
|
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My mind is
made up, don't confuse me with the facts! |
|
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A mind is
like a parachute: it only functions when it is open.
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|
An endurance
test for some people is the pursuit of happiness.
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Destiny is
not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice.
|
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As a rule, a
quitter isn't a very good beginner either. |
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|
As you grow
older, you stand for more and fall for less. |
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A bore is a
person who brightens a room simply by leaving it.
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A closed
mouth gathers no feet. |
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|
A conference
is a way of postponing a decision. |
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|
A diamond is
a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.
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A genius is
one who shoots at something no one else can see, and hits it.
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A man is
known by the company he avoids. |
|
|
A person who
has a right to boast doesn't have to. |
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A wise man
knows everything; a shrewd one, everybody. |
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A wish is a
desire without an attempt. |
|
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A steady
salary is an invitation to mediocrity. |
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A tree never hits an
automobile except in self-defense. |
